


Wait for me in the next life

by Hollow and Merciless (HollowandMerciless)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Friendship/Love, Hurts So Good, M/M, One Shot, Reincarnation, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 05:48:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13897602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HollowandMerciless/pseuds/Hollow%20and%20Merciless
Summary: A Levi AU/reincarnation story.Perhaps the saddest story I ever wrote.Levi remembers his past life with Eren, and most of all Eren's last words: "Wait for me in the next life."He's been waiting all his life but Eren never showed up.His life is miserable, he's recently lost his job and soon he won't even have money to pay his rent.Then, all of a sudden, his uncle dies and he inherits a small cottage in the countryside.





	Wait for me in the next life

_I’ve been searching for you my entire life_

 

The cart stopped at the junction between two sandy roads.

‘It should be that way,’ the man said, pointing west while he took off his hat to wipe his forehead with a dirty red snot-rag. The horse scuffed its hooves in the sand.

‘Thanks for the ride,’ the younger man said, climbing off the driving box. He took what little belongings he had off the wagon and gestured at the man to move on. The driver put on his hat again and yelled some incomprehensible words while waving his right hand. After a while the cart disappeared behind a curve in the road, leaving a trail of dust in the air that only descended slowly.

He didn’t walk off immediately; he just stood there, trying to let everything sink in. The death of his last family member (an uncle he’d never met), the unexpected inheritance (a house somewhere he’d never heard of) – and all that at exactly the right moment in his life, when everything was moving into the wrong direction and the one thing he needed was a new start.

He’d taken his possessions and left. There was nothing there for him. No job, no house, no friends.

_So why not start over in the countryside. Live a simple life, grow my own crops._ His uncle had left him a small cottage in a part of the country he hardly knew, and here he was, on the junction. _Such a metaphor._ He scanned the surroundings and decided he liked what he saw. Fields and meadows, a grove here and there, working farm folk in the distance and some cattle. He lifted his suitcase and started walking.

It was a particularly hot day and the walk to the house was longer than he anticipated, but he wasn’t the kind of person to give in to discomfort easily. Despite the mid-July heat he didn’t pause until he reached the house. It was a small wooden building with a sloped roof, barely large enough for a couple, and in a rather poor state. He dropped his luggage and walked through the overgrown path to the front door. Only when the solicitor had given him the key to this house, he realised this bizarre series of events was real. Losing his job, no longer able to afford his rent, and then suddenly that letter, three days before he’d be homeless; thick paper and a range of impressive stamps and seals.

He carefully opened the door. _How long has my uncle been dead already?_ The interior of the small farmhouse was heavily damaged by all sorts of animals. The sound of mice running away gave him shivers. _Well, I was gonna clean the house anyway._ As he looked better, he realised he was looking into a kitchen with a stove on one side and a table in the middle. _And that’s pretty much it._ Still, it was larger than the apartment he’d been renting in the city for the past years. On his left was a loft ladder. He fought his way through cobwebs and discovered his uncle’s bed. _I’m not sleeping in that._ He pulled his cravat up, covering his mouth and nose, and removed the sheets and mattress, dropping them through the hatch. Then he opened the shutters to let some light and fresh air in. _This view is amazing._ The gaps between the trees surrounding the house granted him a shattered view on the hills in the distance. He leaned out and saw for the first time the entirety of his piece of land, his uncle’s kitchen garden, a small meadow and a streamlet with glistening water marking the end of his plot. Suddenly, a feeling like he’d swallowed a rock. _If only you could see this too, Eren._ He took a deep breath and turned away from the view. The rest of the room was frugal, save the bed there was only a dresser. He was reluctant to open the drawers, and relieved to find all of them empty.

He climbed down the ladder and collected mattress and bedding, taking them outside while looking for a washboard. _Where do I get my water anyway? The stream?_ He walked around the house, happily surprised to notice the beans in the kitchen garden being ripe, as were the cabbages, leeks, onions and carrots. _Thank you, uncle, for growing that earlier this year. You probably expected to eat it all yourself._

He spent his afternoon washing and hanging the bedding, knocking the dust out of the mattress and sweeping the ground floor. _I can do the rest tomorrow, the bed is the most important now._

After dinner – some of his uncle’s vegetables and a few slices of the bread he’d bought before getting on the train – he walked to the stream and looked on the back of the house. His house. _It still has to sink in._ Too much had happened in too short a time. He glanced through the trees and discovered a nearby house, as humble as his own. _So I do have a neighbour._ He wasn’t particularly pleased, but the house was far enough still to grant him privacy.

The sun had set half an our earlier and the sky was changing from orange into blue. He took the now dry sheets from the improvised washing line and went in to make the bed.

That night, he lay awake for hours, equally happy and desperate and totally unable to sleep.

 

He spent the next two days cleaning the house, then another three repairing furniture and roof. A day or ten after his arrival, the garden was free of weeds and the vermin had disappeared.

He was sweeping the garden path, lost in thought, when someone called him; a soft, gentle voice. ‘Good afternoon, young man.’

He looked up and saw an old man at his gate, a hunchback with a thin white beard.

‘Good afternoon.’

‘Are you my new neighbour?’

‘I guess,’ he said.

‘I live in the house behind the stream,’ the old man said.

‘Then we must be neighbours.’

‘Are you Kenny’s boy?’

‘His nephew. Levi.’

‘Nice to meet you.’ The old man seemed barely able to stand, and had to hold on to the fence in order not to fall over.

‘I think you should sit down for a moment,’ Levi said, opening the gate and leading the old man to a log he used as a bench.

‘I’m 88 years old,’ the old man laughed. ‘And this is the first time someone supports me as I’m sitting down.’

‘Can I offer you something to drink?’

‘Just water. I haven’t been drinking anything else all my life.’

Levi collected two cups of fresh water from the stream and sat next to him on the log as they drank it.

‘So how did you end up here, Levi?’

‘I...’ He was reluctant to share his failed life with a stranger. ‘I was uncle Kenny’s only heir.’ _Though I never knew him. I must have met him when I was a little boy, but I can’t even remember. I lost my job and my home and then I inherited this small house..._ ‘When I saw the house, I decided to stay.’

‘Well, your life must have been a mess then, if this was the better alternative,’ the old man cackled.

Levi got the uncomfortable feeling the old man could look right through him. ‘Perhaps,’ he said, reluctantly.

‘I’ve lived here all my life and I haven’t been unhappy one single day – a bit lonely at most,’ the old man said. ‘But you look like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. I promise you this: if you decide to stay here, I’m certain you’ll end up happy as well.’

_I cannot even imagine what happiness is,_ Levi thought, but then he remembered his awe when he first saw the view from his bedroom window.

‘I think I just noticed the birth of a smile,’ the old man sniggered. ‘But for now I’m leaving you. At my age, things take a lot more time, so although I can’t really say I’m _busy_ , I must admit everything takes at least twice the amount of time it used to when I was your age.’ He got up and wobbled to the gate. ‘Come along when you feel like it. My door is always open. I can see you’re a thinker, not a talker, but your company is enjoyable anyway.’

‘Thank you, ojiisan,’ Levi said, which made the old man laugh again.

‘Next time we meet, I’ll tell you about your uncle,’ he said as he left.

Levi leaned on the broomstick as the old man disappeared behind the shrubbery. _How did he know I never really knew uncle Kenny?_ He didn’t feel uncomfortable though. The old man knew to keep his distance anyway and didn’t make him feel obliged.

 ~~~

The first time he went to see his old neighbour was after a heavy thunderstorm, which had torn a piece off his roof. After fixing it, he went to check on his neighbour.

‘Good morning, ojiisan,’ he said as he arrived. The old man sat on a stool, enjoying the morning sun, two or three fat chickens scrabbling around him in the grass.

‘Good morning, boy. Did you get any sleep last night?’

‘Hardly,’ Levi said, sitting next to the man on the porch. ‘The thunder was too loud. And I had a leak. The rain was pouring in.’

‘My roof is fine,’ the old man said. ‘I guess that’s why you came here for today.’

‘I did,’ Levi said. ‘Don’t you want me to check anyway?’

‘You have a good heart. I could see that the first time we met.’

Levi didn’t know what to answer.

‘There _is_ something you can do for me,’ the man said. ‘I’ve grown cabbages but they’re too heavy. If you could pick one for me and bring it to my kitchen, I’ll give you half.’

‘I have my own cabbages...’

‘Don’t decline a friendly offer, Levi-kun.’ Ojiisan looked at him as he got up. ‘You’ve done that too often in your life, I can see that. And now you think all your misfortune is just bad luck. And I say it’s all your own doing.’

Levi felt a spark of annoyance, but decided to ignore it and walked around the house to find the cabbages.

‘I sell some of my vegetables at the market from time to time,’ ojiisan said when he returned, as if nothing had happened. ‘No one can live without money entirely. Clothes and candles and rice can’t be grown in the backyard.’

‘For now I don’t really need anything,’ Levi said as he sat down again, ‘but I’m grateful for the information.’

‘Your uncle was a bit of a scrooge,’ ojiisan laughed. ‘He never shared. I hope you’re nothing like him.’

‘Tell me about my uncle,’ Levi said. ‘I didn’t really know him.’

‘Nor he you,’ ojiisan said. ‘He never spoke of any kin. He did mention a sister once or twice.’

‘That must have been my mother. She died when I was six.’

‘And now I fear you’re going to tell me you also grew up fatherless,’ ojiisan said.

‘Indeed.’

‘Your uncle could have taken care of you,’ the old man said. ‘But I don’t think he was suited for the job. He was a bit on the grumpy side.’ He laughed, as if that was amusing.

 

Levi went home late in the afternoon, surprised he’d spent almost half a day with a stranger and not even feeling bad afterwards. _It must be the new environment,_ he thought. Apart from last night, he’d slept better than he’d ever done in the city, and the rural scenery soothed his bruised soul day after day. _But still, it won’t ever be perfect without you, Eren._

He spent his days renovating the cottage and tending his vegetables, asking ojiisan for advice about when to harvest and when to sow. He built an annex to the house, a porch like ojiisan’s, and on sunny days they often sat together on his log, enjoying the view and their conversations.

‘Forgive me for asking,’ ojiisan said one afternoon. It was early September and still warm during the days, but the nights rapidly became cooler. ‘But you strike me as extremely lonely.’

‘I have a friendly neighbour,’ Levi said.

‘Don’t tell me I’m the only person in your life. You must have...’

‘No.’

‘You don’t want to talk about it.’

Levi hesitated. ‘I had no friends in town. I had co-workers I sort of got along with...’

‘But after you lost your job, you never saw them again. I’ve heard such stories. People in the city are way more rude than in the countryside.’

Levi took a deep breath. ‘There was someone.’

‘Someone you loved deeply,’ ojiisan said.

For a moment, Levi was unable to speak. He buried his face in his hands.

Ojiisan gently put his hand on his back. ‘It’s okay to mourn a loved one,’ he said softly. ‘There’s no shame in that.’

It was the first time Levi shed tears for Eren. Ojiisan patiently waited until he was able to speak again.

‘I’ve been waiting all my life,’ Levi whispered. His eyes were fixed on the horizon, but he didn’t register the setting sun. He saw Eren, his beautiful emerald eyes, his smile – and then, unexpectedly, the horrors that separated them. ‘I lost him.’

‘All your life, you say. But for some reason you’ve given up on him. You stopped searching and disappeared to the countryside, to a small cottage in the middle of nowhere.’

Levi didn’t answer and closed his eyes to avert from the abomination. _I can still see you looking in my eyes one last time,_ he thought. _You trusted me..._

‘Why, Levi? Why did you give up looking for him?’

Levi shrugged. ‘I think he’d never forgive me for what I did.’

‘If he loved you as much as you love him, and if he’s got a good heart like you, he should be able to forgive anything, eventually.’

‘I killed him.’

 ~~~

He didn’t see ojiisan for two entire weeks after that confession. He didn’t sleep either. He neglected his vegetables and after a while even mice and cobwebs reappeared in the house.

After those two weeks, the old man appeared at his gate, called for him, got no answer and went into his house. He found Levi asleep in a chair, his face on the table, and shook his head with a wry smile. He put a wrap around Levi’s shoulders and lit the fire in the stove. Looking around the kitchen, he found a tea tin and put the kettle on.

The scent of freshly brewed tea woke Levi up. He looked surprised when he saw the old man on the other chair, pouring steaming hot tea in a cup.

‘I missed you,’ ojiisan said.

‘I thought you’d despise me.’

‘You didn’t kill him in this life.’

‘How did you know?’

Ojiisan shook his head. ‘I’m an old man. Old men know things.’

‘You know a lot,’ Levi agreed. ‘But I bet you don’t know how to get rid of this guilt.’

‘Something tells me you killed him for a reason.’

Levi studied the wrinkled face, the flaxy beard, the smiling eyes. _This man has never had to carry a burden like I did._

‘And I even think he understood why you had to.’

‘Don’t try to cheer me up, ojiisan. No one can. Not even you.’ He sipped from his tea. ‘But you make excellent tea.’

‘Levi, let me tell you something. Reject me if you like, but I have to say this. I’m an old man and I’ve had my share of hardship too. I’ve lost both my parents before I was an adult and spent the rest of my life alone in this cottage. I never learned how to read or write but I ploughed my way through life – and then suddenly, at the tender age of 88, I suddenly met the kindest neighbour an old man could wish for. A man who shares everything he has to share – even though it’s not much. I want you to share your fears and regrets with me too, Levi. At this age, judging is beyond me.’

‘I doubt you really want to know what happened.’

‘I may not want to know, but I know you’re aching to share it.’ He sighed. ‘With someone who doesn’t judge.’

Only then, Levi felt the tears running down his cheeks, wiping them away abruptly. ‘Ojiisan,’ he said, his voice trembling a bit. ‘You were my neighbour when I first met you, but I’ve got the feeling you turned into a friend along the way.’

‘I _am_ your friend, Levi,’ the old man said. ‘And I want you to trust me. Just like I trust you.’

 

That night, in the warm kitchen, lit by a single candle, Levi told ojiisan about his former life, when he was a captain and Eren his subordinate. Ojiisan didn’t even blink when he told him about the titans, but he shook his head when he explained Eren being a titan shifter. He didn’t hold his tears in when he recalled the final moments, when there was only one titan left to kill.

 

When he looked up, the old man’s eyes were watery. ‘He wasn’t angry with you. Nor disappointed,’ he said. ‘You set him free. You released him from his burden.’

‘I spent the rest of my life without him, knowing I alone was the reason why...’

‘No, you weren’t. Would you have wanted someone else to have killed him? He was at peace with it because it was you. Because he loved you and trusted you as much as you loved and trusted him. It had to be you for him to find peace in being killed.’

‘You make it sound like it was the best thing to do,’ Levi said after a long silence, his eyes still red and swollen.

‘It was. Levi, look at me. It was. You’ve told me the entire story and this old man with his almost 89 years of life experience judges it was the right thing to do.’ He rubbed his eyes. ‘I would have done the same.’

 ~~~

Winter came and for the first time Levi experienced the true meaning of cold. His city apartment had been shabby and poorly insulated, but relatively warm because of the neighbouring apartments. In his cottage the wind roared almost as hard inside as it did outside, sometimes even blowing snow indoors. He spent a lot of time sealing cracks in the wood and when after a few days the weather finally got a bit better, he rushed to his old neighbour to see if he needed help. _I’m sure he’ll refuse, he always does, saying he’s been doing it all by himself for 88 years already. Even he declines friendly offers._

There was no answer when he locked the door. ‘Ojiisan!’

The guilt struck immediately. _That old man. I should have checked on him every day in this weather. Please let him be all right._ ‘Ojiisan!’

Finally the door creaked open. Ojiisan looked pale and tired, but vivid, and happy to see his neighbour.

‘It’s cold in here,’ Levi said grimly. ‘Why haven’t you made a fire?’

‘I’m out of wood,’ ojiisan said. ‘But I’ve spent my days in bed, and my bed is warm.’

‘No,’ Levi said, startled. ‘No, I will not let this happen again. I’ll chop tons of wood for you and I’ll check on you twice a day and I’ll cook for you...’

‘Did I ever tell you you’re kind, Levi?’ ojiisan said.

 ~~~ 

Ojiisan happily made it to spring, being taken care of by his considerate neighbour. He didn’t suffer a moment of cold anymore, nor did he ever spend more than half a day without something to eat.

As the temperatures rose, tiny flowers emerged from the melting snow. Levi felt as if he saw the world come to life for the first time. He hadn’t told ojiisan he was building another annex to his house, a small room for the old man. He wanted him near, to be able to take care of him anytime. He’d suffered a severe blow from his days in the freezing cold and his age started to show, maybe even overtake him.

_I want him around for as long as possible. Since I’ve known this man, I haven’t really felt lonely anymore._ Somehow, in an odd way, he even had peace with what he’d done to Eren in his former life. One thing though he’d never told the old man: Eren’s final words.

“Wait for me in the next life, Levi. I will find you.”

_I’ve waited for over 30 years now, and you never showed up._ Sometimes he doubted his decision to move out of town, sometimes he was ridiculously full of hope when he went to the market to sell his vegetables. But somehow he always ended up thinking how fate brought him here, to this house, and that sooner or later Eren would turn up. _And when you do, I’ll introduce you to my old friend._

_~~~_

On a sunny day, when the cherry blossoms snowed down into Levi’s backyard, he told ojiisan he had a surprise for him, and supported him as he guided him to his home.

‘It’s quite some time I’ve been to your house,’ ojiisan said.

‘After today you don’t have to worry about that anymore,’ Levi said. ‘Look.’

The old man didn’t speak, and when Levi looked aside inquisitively, he saw his teary eyes.

‘I want you to stay here for the rest of your life,’ Levi said. ‘You’re too old to take care of yourself. If you live with me...’

‘Did I ever tell you you’re a kind person?’ Ojiisan said with a shaky voice.

 ~~~

Levi, who’d been alone for most of his life, learned how pleasant company could be. There had been no second of doubt when he’d come up with the idea to move ojiisan in, and now the old man lived with him, he finally understood what his life had lacked all those years. A friend, someone who’s always there, someone to share thoughts and ideas with, and, most of all, laughter.

‘If Eren ever shows up,’ Levi said one day, while boiling eggs for breakfast, ‘I’m certain he’ll grow as fond of you as I am.’

‘You still believe he’ll come?’

‘Fate brought me to this place,’ Levi said. ‘Fate drew me out of town. He’d never have found me there. I know...’ – he put his fist to his heart – ‘...he’ll find me.’ He turned around. ‘Don’t you dare to die before he shows up. I want you two to meet. You and Eren are the most important people in my life.’

Ojiisan, sitting in the custom-made chair on the porch with a blanket on his legs, smiled. ‘And you’ve become the most important person in my life,’ he said softly.

‘What?’ Levi said.

‘I said I won’t die before you’ve met Eren again,’ ojiisan said.

‘That’s a promise. Here’s your breakfast. And after that, I’m going to the market.’

_To the next disappointment. Because he’s never there._

 

‘Levi,’ ojiisan said upon his return. ‘Don’t torture yourself like this.’ He patted on the log next to his chair.

‘I bought medicine against your gout.’

‘Levi.’

‘And tea.’

‘Levi.’ An old hand on his shoulder.

‘Ojiisan, no.’ He shrugged him off.

‘You don’t have to go to the market twice a week.’

‘I might miss out on him if I don’t.’

‘Why do you think you’ll find him there?’

‘When was the last time you saw a passerby on the road to our houses?’

‘If you’d be supposed to meet him at the market, why did fate bring you to this house and not over there?’

‘You’re hiding something from me. Did he show up? Today? You saw him, didn’t you? He was here. You knew it was him and you let him slip away!’

‘No – no, Levi, nothing like that. There was no one here. Like you said, every once in a while there’s someone passing by on our road, but I haven’t seen anyone for weeks.’

Levi took a few deep breaths. ‘Time is running out.’

Ojiisan put a hand on his arm. ‘You still want us to meet.’

‘I do.’ He looked the old man in his pale, watery eyes. ‘I really do, ojiisan.’

 ~~~

Spring went into summer and summer into fall, and ojiisan spent a comfortable old day in Levi’s continuous care. His health though was weakening rapidly as the days grew shorter and colder.

‘I’m nearly 90, Levi,’ the old man said, his voice remarkably frail. Levi had made several improvements to his chair, to make ojiisan’s final days as comfortable as possible. He sat near the stove with a blanket on his legs and the cat Levi’d bought the last time he’d been to the market, on his lap. ‘This little fellow will certainly outlive me.’ He looked up, at Levi, who was pouring tea. ‘You will outlive me.’

_I always end up outliving everyone who means something to me._

‘I’m so sorry.’

‘Sorry for what?’ Levi was not really paying attention, since the kettle was hot.

‘You having to spend the rest of your life without me.’

‘Story of my life.’ He put the teapot on the table. ‘I’ll end up lonely as usual.’ He cuddled the cat on ojiisan’s lap. ‘I don’t think our new mouse catcher will be able to fill the gap.’ _I sound bitter and I don’t mean to, but I hate the thought of losing ojiisan before Eren’s back. I hate thinking of losing ojiisan anyway._ ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.’

‘You’re not. It’s your feelings showing through that composed mask of yours.’

Levi inhaled deeply and touched the old man’s hand briefly. _I’m not ready to lose you. You’re my only friend in this life._ He averted his face and sipped from his tea.

‘Don’t cry,’ ojiisan whispered.

~~~

By the time the autumn rains began to soak the soil and the last apples were picked from the orchard, ojiisan was unable to leave his bed anymore.

‘You waited till the work in the garden was done,’ Levi said, ‘so I could spend all my days with you.’

‘I did,’ ojiisan said, trying to giggle, but ending in a choking cough.  

‘There’s something I never asked you,’ Levi said after a while. He sat on a stool next to the old man’s bed, his elbows on his knees.

‘Ask around,’ ojiisan said with his weak voice.

‘Do you have any memories of your past life? I mean – I know it’s unusual to have them.’

Ojiisan closed his eyes for a moment. ‘I do.’ He tried to smile. ‘It was quite the life. The opposite of this life, I’d say.’

‘It’s weird, isn’t it,’ Levi pondered. ‘Memories from a past life still haunting us, and nothing we can do about it.’

‘Do you regret anything, Levi?’ ojiisan said.

‘From this life or the past?’

Ojiisan didn’t answer.

‘I regret not meeting you earlier. I wish I’d known you longer.’

‘So do I,’ the old man said.

 

That night, Levi stayed by his side, because ojiisan’s health was now deteriorating quickly. He was gasping for breath and hadn’t opened his eyes for hours. His old fingers were clasped around Levi’s hand though.

‘You... have to... let me go...’ he whispered.

‘I can’t.’

‘I’m sorry... we’ve had so... little time... together.’  

‘I enjoyed every second of it, ojiisan.’ Levi didn’t realise he was weeping. ‘I’m so thankful I’ve met you.’

‘Levi... Thank you...’

‘Life will be empty without you.’

There was a long silence, in which ojiisan lay fighting for breath, his head tilted backwards.

‘Don’t cry,’ Levi said, wiping the tears from the old man’s eyes.

‘Let...’ he coughed. ‘Let me...’

‘Ojiisan?’ Panic flickered in Levi’s eyes.

‘...see you one more time.’ Ojiisan opened his eyes. ‘Come... closer...’ His breath was wheezing horribly. ‘...Levi...’

Levi leaned in and both looked each other in the eyes one last time. The old man curled his lips in a faint smile. Then he closed his eyes, and Levi fell down on his chest. ‘Ojiisan,’ he whispered, squeezing the old man’s hand as his tears wet the blanket. ‘Ojiisan... Don’t go...’

‘Lev...’

Levi raised his head.

‘Wait...’  ojiisan whispered almost inaudibly.

Levi moved his ear closer to ojiisan’s mouth.

‘Wait... for me... in the next lif...’

Levi suddenly sat petrified.

‘I... will find... you again... Levi...’

‘Eren?’ Levi whispered, unbelieving.

‘ _I love you..._ ’

And then, nothing.


End file.
